When you’re stressed or unhappy, don’t look for someone to rescue you.

It’s funny what often  happens, even to a strong and independent person, when overwhelmed by stress. It’s as if we instantly go into a “child” mode and anxiously look for Mom or Dad to swoop in and pick us up, and get rid of the monsters for us.

The problem with expecting that to still happen when you’re an adult, is that you become prey to sick relationships. I really wish someone would coin a better word than “codependency” because we’re forced to use it when we mean a relationship that is very imbalanced, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. Someone who stays in an abusive relationship is “codependent” but so is the abuser. Both feel they “need” the particular synergy of the give-and-take they’ve established.  When one– usually the abused — seeks to change, the other will do anything to keep them trapped. If you make a bid for a savior, you’ll often find someone who will lure you in, but it’s not going to be a healthy and emotionally nurturing relationship. It will be closer to slave-master than anything else.

Look to your own inner resources when you feel down, sad and stressed. Don’t expect someone else to fix your feelings. It’s an inside job.

There’s a lot more to codependency, of course. More another time.

your happiness guru,

Evelyn Brooks