Financial stress puts a huge burden on any relationship and since I’m still blogging about stressful relationships for two more days, I thought the subject of money should be discussed. Today, let’s cover the basics, and tomorrow I’ll give you some tips on how to get out from under the money fights. It will ease your stress load tremendously.
Why do couples fight about money? It’s such a big part of our lives, that’s why! We need money to pay the bills, to save for the future, to meet obligations and to feel we are in charge of our own lives and not dependent on someone else’s largesse.
But usually the fight isn’t really about the money. The two people might have different ideas how to spend it, different values about saving money, or feel that the other person is being too controlling or too much of a spendthrift. Often, when there’s an imbalance in the spending habits of a couple, the one who is more careful with money will resent the way the other goes shopping or orders things they want online without discussing the purchase beforehand. And that resentment leads to tit-for-tat spending, where the one who usually is more cautious about spending will say to him- or herself, “Well, they just bought a new outfit, so I’m going to get one, too!”
Reckless spending can lead to so many troubles, especially in these times of economic changes that so many are experiencing. But the fights about how much you spent or he spent sometimes are covering up the tension about other issues, such as fear of losing your job or anger that you can’t afford to take a vacation. Money is used as a power tool, and the one who has the wallet rules the roost. So if there is inequity in spending, the fights are sure to follow.
See you tomorrow with tips on how to cope with fights about money, money, money…
your happiness guru,