Be-Happier Tip: Don't Get Narcissized

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One of the most stressful relationships you can land in is one with a narcissist. If you’ve been “narcissized” — attacked by a narcissist — you might not even know it on a conscious level. But you sure do feel rotten and confused.  Putting it briefly, a narcissist is someone who views the world and all the people in it through special “me-colored glasses.”  It’s not a matter of simply being vain about their looks, which many think narcissism means.  Narcissistic Personality Disorder, or NPD, is a serious mental affliction that makes it nearly impossible for the narcissist to have what most of us would call a normal relationship. They are incapable of love, incapable of empathy, and are easily offended. They live in a world of their own making, filled with delusions of grandeur and self-importance. If you thwart something they want — such as breaking up with them — or even make a mild comment they take as a criticism, you will quickly become the victim of narcissistic rage — and that is what being narcissized is all about.

When you get “narcissized” – you’ll be on the receiving end of massive emails and text messages and phone calls — he will rant at you and accuse you of vile behavior. He’ll make up lies about you.  And then he’ll suddenly shift and shower you with praise for being wonderful, and beg you to reconcile.  He’s desperate to have you back so he can feel “okay” inside by controlling and possessing you.  A narcissist is incapable of feeling great because they are so damaged. Generally, it is believed that the problem starts in early childhood when they are conditioned to feel that they are not good enough as they are, and must present a facade to the world. Building and maintaining that pretense must be exhausting, but don’t get caught in the trap, thinking you can fill that void inside a narcissist. No one can.

You can expect the narcissist to be illogical, controlling, uninterested in your desires, needs and dreams. They truly do not see you as a person worthy of enjoying life. To a narcissist you are only good for giving them the attention they crave in order to feel alive.

What can you do if you realize you’re entangled with a narcissist? Break it off as fast as you can!  You will never be able to “fix” the narcissist. Learn more about it, and do what you need to do to keep yourself safe from their rage, belittling, delusional ideas and more.

More next time.

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