Weekend Be-Happier Tip: be vulnerable

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Be vulnerable!

What does this mean as a tip for this weekend? It doesn’t mean you have to suddenly confess your feelings to everyone you meet. Instead, be willing to open your heart to the people you care about the most. That’s generally where our biggest stress comes from because those are our key relationships and have the most importance in our lives.

Let’s say you want to have a “date” with your spouse, significant other or lover. But you fear being rejected because lately there’s been a lot of tension between you.

So maybe your pattern is that you hint around that there’s a movie you want to see. Or you clip a coupon for a restaurant you’d like to go to, and leave it on the kitchen counter. When your partner doesn’t pick up the hint and immediately ask if you want to go to dinner and a movie, you may feel hurt and upset. You take it as a sign the love is gone for good. Clearly you two are just roommates, and nothing more.

You sigh to yourself and check out what’s on TV.  If your partner asks what all the sighing is about, you bravely say “Nothing! I’m fine!”

But inside, a whole drama is playing out, where you feel hurt and afraid. You’d also like to have a romantic evening together, but now that he or she didn’t even care enough to realize you want to go to the movies and out to eat, you’re really determined that you won’t bring up the idea of romance. That would just lead to further rejection, right?

Can you see the piece that is missing here?  LOVE!  All the hinting or hoping they’ll second guess you does not include a direct statement such as this:  “Hey honey, I’d love to spend some time together this weekend. I know we’ve both been really busy and stressed. I love you and I want to be sure we nurture our relationship. You’re important to me!  Think we can squeeze movie and eating out into our budget and have a nice date night together? And then come home and enjoy the romantic side of our relationship? I’d really feel special if we could do this or something like it.”

Too often we can overlook the obvious thing of being vulnerable. But when you tell the other person exactly how you feel and what you want, you have a much better chance of actually getting it!

What does “being vulnerable” mean to you?

your happiness guru,

Evelyn Brooks

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