Holding grudges


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My focus for June is “stressful relationships”

Please go to askevelynbrooks.com and type in the box what your biggest stress is right now, especially if it’s related to a relationship.

Got grudges?

A quick way to keep a relationship really stressful is to hold grudges against the other person. Are you in the habit of doing this?
Grudges can feel very satisfying. They can also be subtle, so you might not realize it’s even there, beneath the surface of your mind, but it affects your behavior and your mood every single day.
Why might you have a grudge against someone?
•    they didn’t do something you expected them to do
•    you still haven’t forgiven them for a past argument
•    you’re waiting for them to make the first move, to reconcile over a heated disagreement
•    you feel you’ve done more than your share in this relationship and you’re fed up [see my posts June 6th & 7th, the two-part blog on a marriage or relationship that’s out of balance –  http://evelynbrooks.com/670/seesaw-marriage-pt/ and http://evelynbrooks.com/682/seesaw-marriage-pt-2/ ]

Whatever your reason might be, the main problem is that you are contributing to your stress level by clinging to that grudge.

Even though it might feel 100% justified, you’re hurting yourself. You also hurt the other person, but sometimes if you’re in a state to defend a grudge your reaction to that knowledge would be a resounding: “Good! I sure hope it hurts them!”

So let’s focus on YOU and how you can feel better right now. It’s going to require being a bigger person than the other guy, and rising above the details of your quarrel and strife.

Here’s what you’re going to do: drop the grudge.

That’s it. Simply make the decision that you are giving up on it and refuse to hold it anymore.

A quick exercise you can do to help make the process feel more “real” is to pick up something heavy such as a hardcover book that can represent the weight you’ve been carrying around at the back of your neck all this time you’ve held the grudge.
•    Hold the book in your hands.
•    Heft it a few times and think about the weight of it.
•    Now drop it on the floor and hear that thud.
•    Shrug your shoulders.
•    Shake your empty hands.
•    Enjoy the sensation of freedom!

And understand that it is totally up to you whether you pick up that old grudge and start carrying it around (but do pick up the book and put it back where it belongs so no one trips over it).
your happiness guru,
Evelyn
P.S.  Learn more about how to handle your grudges, resentments and stress in my bestselling stress management book – download the ebook now for ten bucks – (cheaper than the paperback at Amazon but you can buy it there too) –  “Forget Your Troubles: Enjoy Your Life Today”

Comments (10)

Piotr Krzyzek

June 23, 2010

Don't hold grudges, I've heard it a lot. Though I agree with 95% of what you said, I still hold grudges for a few reasons.

One main reason is to learn from them. I don't know if using the use grow, would be appropriate instead of learn, but if used properly a person can grow into something better by holding a grudge.

It can force you to innovate, overcome past issues and eventually resolve the grudge (or get even) peacefully. It's really hard to drop a grudge especially if you've been injured, but it's very adult and responsible to work out the issue and resolve it.

Thanks for the tips on how to manage it though. I'll have to try the book drop thing soon, I hope it works!

Thanks for the links to the two marriage articles as well, been trying to work that out lately with my fiancee.

--PK

Piotr Krzyzek

June 23, 2010

Don't hold grudges, I've heard it a lot. Though I agree with 95% of what you said, I still hold grudges for a few reasons.

One main reason is to learn from them. I don't know if using the use grow, would be appropriate instead of learn, but if used properly a person can grow into something better by holding a grudge.

It can force you to innovate, overcome past issues and eventually resolve the grudge (or get even) peacefully. It's really hard to drop a grudge especially if you've been injured, but it's very adult and responsible to work out the issue and resolve it.

Thanks for the tips on how to manage it though. I'll have to try the book drop thing soon, I hope it works!

Thanks for the links to the two marriage articles as well, been trying to work that out lately with my fiancee.

--PK

Bud Bilanich

June 23, 2010

Grudges will not only contribute to your stress level and make you unhappy, they are a career success killer.
Forgive and move on. Don;t hold grudges and resentments. Instead focus on building positive, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in your life.
I discuss this in some detail in my eBook "Your Career Success GPS." You can get a free copy at www.CareerSuccessGPS.com.
Also, you might find my other free eBook "Success Tweets" to be helpful. Check it out at www.SuccessTweets.com.
Bud Bilanch
The Common Sense Guy

Bud Bilanich

June 23, 2010

Grudges will not only contribute to your stress level and make you unhappy, they are a career success killer.
Forgive and move on. Don;t hold grudges and resentments. Instead focus on building positive, mutually beneficial relationships with the people in your life.
I discuss this in some detail in my eBook "Your Career Success GPS." You can get a free copy at www.CareerSuccessGPS.com.
Also, you might find my other free eBook "Success Tweets" to be helpful. Check it out at www.SuccessTweets.com.
Bud Bilanch
The Common Sense Guy

Evelyn Brooks

June 23, 2010

Hi Bud, nice to see you here! Thanks for commenting. :-) Evelyn

Evelyn Brooks

June 23, 2010

Hi Bud, nice to see you here! Thanks for commenting. :-) Evelyn

Evelyn Brooks

June 23, 2010

You're very welcome! I'm blogging on stressful relationships every day this month, so you might want to check out all of June's posts and see if anything is helpful to you.
Thanks for sharing,
Evelyn

Evelyn Brooks

June 23, 2010

You're very welcome! I'm blogging on stressful relationships every day this month, so you might want to check out all of June's posts and see if anything is helpful to you.
Thanks for sharing,
Evelyn

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