Too many of us grow up being the bit player, rushing to make sure that others have all they need to thrive and enjoy the spotlight.
I was reminded of this while watching a movie the other day that had a lot of extras in a particular scene. It was outdoors in Central Park by the boat pond, and extras strolled past or sat on benches as if simply visiting the park that day, while our hero hid from the villain. Then the hero rushed out of hiding and pushed the villain in the pond. The camera got a reaction shot from an elderly extra who was sitting on a park bench. For a few seconds, the old man was the “star” as he reacted in great surprise to the man being pushed in the pond. But then the action continued with our hero, and we never saw that extra again in the film.
His role was to be supporting of the story, not to be the star.
In a codependent relationship, the peacekeeper of the pair will spend a lot of energy being that “extra”, reacting to everything the other person does, and living through them and for them.
It is a very stressful way to live – always watching for your cue so you know when it is okay to speak, and then quickly falling silent again so the true star of the relationship can have the spotlight all to themselves.
If you think you might be in a codependent relationship where you spend all your time watching the other person and trying to manipulate their bad temper, anger or other behavior such as substance abuse, dash over to my ask site and post a question for me. I’ll do my best to answer it in another blog post. Go to askevelynbrooks.com
your happiness guru,